Courting Without Flirting: A Halal Roadmap to Finding “The One”

In a candid discussion, Imam Omar Suleiman takes apart common misconceptions about Islamic courtship. His point: you should not get married without talking, and you can (and should) get married without flirting.

Here are the takeaways for the road to marriage, with your heart and your deen intact.

1. Talking is encouraged, flirting is not

There is a real difference between the two. Islam does not forbid conversation before marriage; it expects it. You are meant to ask the heavy questions:

• Deen and character: Are they consistent in their faith and in how they treat others?
• Priorities and vision: What does their ideal family life look like?
• Career and lifestyle: Do your goals and ambitions line up?

Imam Omar notes that knowing someone’s favourite colour will not save a marriage. Knowing their values will.

2. Why romance before marriage is blinding

It sounds backwards, but being romantic before the nikah puts your future happiness at risk, because romance blinds.

Once you let yourself get swept away, you lose objectivity. You see the person as perfect and overlook serious red flags because you are attached to the idea of them. Marriage is a major decision, and it deserves a clear mind.

3. The wisdom of no khulwa

The Prophet ﷺ prohibited khulwa, a man and woman being alone together in seclusion. That does not mean someone has to sit beside you and hear every word. It means avoiding a secluded setting where the conversation can “take a direction that isn’t proper”.

The boundary frees you to focus on the person’s mind and character, without the pull of physical or romantic escalation.

4. There is no set number of conversations

A common fear is that two or three meetings are not enough to know someone. Imam Omar explains that the Sharia sets no limit on how many times you talk. It sets the boundaries of how you talk. Some couples need more time and more questions than others, and that is fine as long as the guidelines of halal interaction are kept.

5. Do your homework

Do not rely on their word alone. Ask people who know them well. Anyone can present a polished version of themselves while courting, so a third-party view of their character is essential.

The bottom line

Marriage always carries some risk, and nothing comes with a guarantee. Keep the conversation on deen and character, keep the boundaries, pray istikhara with a sincere heart, and put your trust in Allah to grant you a righteous spouse.