Courting Without Flirting: A Halal Roadmap to Finding "The One"

In a world dominated by dating apps and "sliding into DMs," the concept of getting to know someone for marriage without flirting can feel almost impossible. Is it too risky to marry someone you haven't been romantic with? How do you actually find out who they are if you keep things strictly professional?

In a recent candid discussion, Imam Omar Suleiman breaks down the common misconceptions about Islamic courting. He argues that while you shouldn't get married without talking, you absolutely can (and should) get married without flirting.

Here are the essential takeaways for navigating the road to marriage with your heart and your "Deen" intact.

1. Talking is Encouraged, Flirting is Not

There is a massive difference between the two. Islam does not prohibit conversation; in fact, it encourages it. You are expected to ask the "heavy" questions:

• Deen and Character: Are they consistent in their faith and treatment of others?
• Priorities and Vision: What does their ideal family life look like?
• Career and Lifestyle: Do your goals and ambitions align?

Imam Omar points out that knowing someone's favorite color won't save a marriage, but knowing their values will.

2. Why Romance Before Marriage is "Blinding"

It might sound counterintuitive, but being romantic before the Nikah is actually a risk to your future happiness. Why? Because romance is blinding.

When you allow yourself to get "swept away," you lose your objectivity. You start to see the person as perfect and overlook serious red flags because you are attracted to the idea of them. Marriage is a major life decision that you need to make with your full senses and a clear mind.

3. The Wisdom of "No Khulwa" (Privacy)

The Prophet (pbuh) prohibited Khulwa - being alone together. This doesn't mean you need two people sitting right next to you eavesdropping on every word. It means ensuring you aren't in a secluded environment where the conversation can "take a direction that isn't proper".

This boundary allows you to focus on the person's mind and character without the pressure of physical or romantic escalation.

4. It’s Not About the Number of Conversations

A common fear is that "two or three meetings" isn't enough to know someone. Imam Omar clarifies that the Sharia doesn't set a limit on the number of times you can talk. It simply sets the boundaries of how you talk. Some couples may need more time and more questions than others, and as long as the guidelines of Halal interaction are followed, that is perfectly fine.

5. Do Your Homework

Don't just take their word for it. A crucial part of the process is asking people who know them well. Since people can "misrepresent themselves" during the courting phase, getting a third-party perspective on their character is vital.

The Bottom Line

At the end of the day, marriage will always carry an element of risk. There are no 100% guarantees. However, by keeping the conversation focused on Deen and character, maintaining boundaries, and praying Istikhara with a sincere heart, you put your trust in Allah to grant you a righteous spouse.